thoughtful

it is not enough to write or to write well
a thorn scratches at my heart of hearts
unrelenting until perfect prose
captures the source of the offending rose

at goodbye

And your heart bleeds whole translucent
drops of love that can't be saved
that continues but will not hold.

It is unbearable and your lips move
releasing a cry that began
before time was noted.

from the depths of a suffocating self-abyss
the pain is not relevant
only mind-breaking loneliness exists.

The night holds questions
only a broken heart understands.



--------------------------------------------
*written for nats

proofread

it all boils down to one more word

one last line (let's hope it's a memorable one)

a last ditch effort

an added embelishment to an already drawn-out excuse

"the dog ate it, miss"

and "a three-legged dog, miss"

"i gave it my best"

and "i can still be better"

"give me one more chance"

and "it will never happen again"

"but i love you"

and "but you said you love me too"

always something extra to prolong that strand of hope

a little detail, a hint of a promise

nothing to change the truth of the outcome.

it's over.

death dwells in her thoughts

her life stands, bears witness
to the whispers of aging voices
like the wind rustling through browned leavse
time touches her slowly,
tracing each curl before settling
as cold felt in her knocking joints

she moves at first unsure then into a dervish
giving up only when the sun denies her
the hope of new light
she takes the shape of every woman, each woman
forgone by chance and skipped by fate
her life stands, bears witness.
her own witnessed by none.

lullaby

she was asleep
the linen would protect her
remember the lock on the door,
the alarm (always set)?
sleep.
if you hear the pebbles knocking on the pane,
sleep.
if movement disturbs the gravel
outside, underneath the window,
sleep.
when the lock fails
and the alarm remains silent,
sleep.
when darkness streams in
through the door forcing itself inside you,
sleep.
if you wake, the night will break.
sleep and let the linen protect you.

stained

it's something that you never think will happen to you or someone you know. i found out only minutes ago and my only thought was to write. i cannot cry or scream. i cannot feel anger. i just feel an overwhelming need to write. as if writing will turn it into something it is not.

it is just a story. a story that is distant. make-believe. a story that will end. please God let us wake up from this. i fumble for words of comfort. words that will never reach her soul. maybe if i wrote better i could write for her. write beautiful words that would tell her about a future she can still have. words that would take away the finality of what she had to go through.

what do i tell her now? how will i face her knowing that smile is no longer the same? she is pure. she is pure and innocent. it is not she who has been stained.

love

Loving you is jumping off a rock
72 feet high
into white waters.

in-between

How many times have I written your name?

Again and again I have written your name.

Write over and over just that, your name.

As if to tell my heart who it is that has been lost.

As if to tell myself what it is that I will never have.

I pen the letters one by one, calling for you.

I mark them down and sense that I am waiting.

How many times have I written your name?

Oh the countless times that I have written that name.

cynic

the lie is that love exists
in rose-colored auras and
heady perfumes

love does not exist
it is created
it was born into non-being

born from eyes singing a song
of inacceptance
and perhaps, if you allow, regret

it was with your leaving
that you proclaimed love unable,
an elusive myth in a world of hard truths

poetry - my stress reliever

the stars didn't move tonight
the night is still

the warmth (traces of your once near body)
staves off the darkness

it isn't so lonely after all
not when the mind has stopped to dwell on it

in the distance, i feel something stirring
perhaps, despite the silence, my heart will find its way back