Monday, March 02, 2015


To be human and paint the earth with the full spectrum of our emotions
To be mortal and savor the myriad ways of escaping non-existence
To be sentient and dream of the path to touch the divine

It is overrated and burdensome.
Oh, that I were a starfish instead.

of silence

flickering questions
posing as vivid reminiscence
shared moments changing hands
unowned, scattered
like orphaned children
left hungry, yearning for love
in backstreets with noone to find them

unanswered doubts
disguised as threadbare hope
beautiful, my adored,
dressed in the cloth of
whispered dreams
built too high for even sleep
to climb, to reach, to fulfill them

I'll leave the light on when I go

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Time to wake up

I wish my love could have held you
Kept you close to me
I wish my love could have made you
The man i dreamt you to be

Saturday, January 10, 2015


The tongue is still
No words can come
When you beckon for the truth
You failed to give
It is an almost unbearable burden to live in an imperfect world that has made us believe in the ideal. Maybe I do wish I could go back to being younger. Yes, it was a time of innocent problems and ignorance but at least we had the naive hope of finding perfection. It is a desperate moment knowing we are never going to be the glamorous image we once had of ourselves, knowing the people around us are just as flawed as we are. Perhaps I am looking in all the wrong places. This temporary world, this fleeting life, were never meant for the dreams in our hearts. Maybe we've been wanting so much to see heaven that we thought there was a chance of it being found if we tried hard enough. There is nothing here but death. There is nothing here except a dwindling desire for salvation earned through years of pining and hunger.

Monday, September 09, 2013

The Prodigal

it has been too long. there is nothing to write of because the mind has unlearned the freedom of spontaneity. if there was one thing i dreaded to lose, it was my voice. give me a world without color, without sound, but do not deny me the faculty of my speech. and yet, now where will i find my muse? i left it here thinking the return would be easy. but the vines have grown and the thorns are sharp and in this last effort for a reunion, is it possible for the prodigal to be recognized when i myself have forgotten the way?

Saturday, August 07, 2010

icarus flight

where is it you fly off to
away from this garden
you tend - sowing seeds in your
untamed way - with the breeze

where is it you go
when sun-streaked wings carry you
off - and i, flightless i,
am left trailing in your field of colors

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

on uncertainty and abandon

only tonight i allow my mind to wander
and seek the sight of you
sitting on the roots of a tree
grown high and fat with life circles from waiting

tonight the wind whispers through the open window
and the cool air through the curtains
is a three stringed instrument
speaking of pining that clings to the bones

if the night is as still as this
is it not so for you as well?
if the night is as still as this
shall i not give leave for my mind, then, to wander?

if i find a way to that familiar tree
will i find you waiting?
the night is still but in the distance a fire rages
there is no shame and the mind struggles to seek an answer

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Lost

i found this on tumblr. it just connected, somehow. after all this time, maybe there are things yet to be overcome.

The Lost
Your skin grazes mine
Skin on skin
It is remarkable
At that moment
Only at that point
The instant I break free
I feel the part of my soul
That responded
To your touch
Happiness cannot be right
If it comes at too high a price

Sunday, March 07, 2010

staring the sun down

staring the sun down

tell the truth all of the time but it is not necessary to tell all of it at that one time.

she steps out and immediately shades her eyes against the glaring sun. terrific day for a walk, she muses, if you don't buy into skin cancer and all of that. she takes the first tentative step onto the sidewalk and more purposefully takes the next. yes, it was most decidedly a terrific day for a walk.

the shade offered by the leaves of aged trees beside the path helped to diffuse the otherwise biting heat. it would be a leisurely walk, she had decided before venturing out, the type of walk that left you with too many thoughts and too little resolutions. it would be the type of walk necessary after the heaviness of an unexpected memory.


it was nothing simple when it started. and when, exactly, any of it started was unclear even to her.
"do you enjoy it that melancholy?", indicating the disc she was sampling
"excuse me?", she had feigned surprise while removing the headset.
"Sara Bareilles."
"i'm sorry but did you want to use the set?", it was better not to show interest, she figured.
"i only really know one song of hers. and it's quite melancholy," a half-smile kept playing on his lips, "i'm sorry but i was watching you and was wondering, would you like to grab something to eat with me?"
the invitation to grab something to eat turned to dinner and extended to a few drinks in a quiet bar afterwards. she was rarely so impulsive but on a day when you're listening to Sara Bareilles in a music store, you might just be in the mood to be swept off your feet.

from the start he told her he liked her. after dinner it was clear he wasn't the type of guy who often approached women in music stores. after drinks she showed him the ring. it was never simple, even at the start.

he was blase about everything. he would dismiss her protests with a topic change or a sly remark about something she had done. he loved to play the game that way - a game she found fascinating at the beginning and impossible to leave at the end. they fell in love, others would say - they, of course, would never name it with a word so worldly. they fell in love and neither of them would admit it. why end the game? why not just keep playing until the end comes and declares the winner?


i was not waiting for you, there at that music store. i was waiting for love. i was waiting for love to return to me. i wanted it to arrive in the same way i welcomed it the last time. i waited for love to come in the form of the man i promised to marry. but it was you who spoke. i was waiting for love. and it was you who came.


she walked back into the comforts of her room. the sweat made her shirt cling close to her back. somehow, the walk was not as good a cathartic as she thought it would be. she closes her eyes and draws in a deep breath. the creases between her brow smoothen as she reaches towards the player and presses play.

"Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I still feel you here til the moment I'm gone..."

she doesn't open her eyes. it is better to keep them closed at this moment. the memory of a face is so much more vivid without the colors of reality.

"...Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity..."

he left before the end came. she was married before the game could be declared over.

"...Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know
Is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down..."

perhaps, she thinks now, i'm the one who lost.