Friday, March 24, 2006

riddles

For the first time in what seems like ages, I woke up today and the pain wasn't there.

I've been having trouble waking up lately. It's because of all the ghosts that haunt me while I'm asleep. They cradle me in their lifeless arms and stroke my hair back with such vicious force that patches of it are ripped off. They do it as if to say I will never be free. And when my feet are cold from the frost that flows from every fiber of their existence, they begin to chant in a voiceless whisper. Kalusa Indir Lahid. Their bodies, at first gentle and wispy beside me, become heavy. Kalusa Indir Lahid. They throw my body to and fro, faster and faster, as their murmuring turns to shrill cries of glee. Kalusa Indir Lahid. The unknown that once stroked my hair turns and with his touch slowly tightens my locks around my neck. Kalusa Indir Lahid. I am frantic but my eyes remain shut. Kalusa Indir Lahid. I choke but consciousness remains distant. Kalusa Indir Lahid. They bind my arms and I thrash from the pain of the stories they continue to whisper. Kalusa Indir Lahid. I submit.

And finally, mercy of mercies, I awake and they disappear, leaving only a faint chill on my arms. And at that moment of blessed silence, I remember the pain of the tales they weave, the memories they desecrate with their laughter and nothing is left as their misery engulfs me. Nothing is left as my mind screams from the burden of knowing. I am reduced to emptiness as my soul cringes from the day I must face without the comfort of the hopes they had uttered so violently in my sleep. It was all a dream. You were just a dream. And now the world rushes to claim me in its version of reality.

But for the first time this morning, I woke up and the pain wasn't there.



May your nights be safe from curses and may your dreams be free of me as I pray mine would finally be free of you.

9 comments:

Cocaine Jesus said...

i have no idea what "Kalusa Indir Lahid" means but the repition backed with the story that you tell here is oh so effective. spooky. disturbing and with no neat solution. like it. like it very much.
especially liked the ending...

"May your nights be safe from curses and may your dreams be free of me as I pray mine would finally be free of you."

Anonymous said...

ah yes...

"love is so short, forgetting is so long", eh?

stay strong. time and Grace heal all wounds. believe me, I know.

_Soulless_ said...

Gripping. Effectively bone-chilling.

They cradle me in their lifeless arms and stroke my hair back with such vicious force that patches of it are ripped off.

They do it as if to say I will never be free.

...my feet are cold from the frost that flows from every fiber of their existence...


*shudder* Nakakapanindig-balahibo.

You've been missed, Car. I hope all is well with you. *hug*

Cai said...

I don't know where to leave a comment.. darn stupid i am..
i like your writings.. you're such a poet..

Anita said...

I loved it. I loved it and I loved it.

David E. Patton said...

Good writing.

cargwaps said...

thank you everyone for commenting! i'm touched. *blush* i'm sorry it took so long for me to reply though.

cj, kalusa indir lahid doesn't really mean anything. at least not in the Filipino language. it was something i found appropriate for the piece. ^___^

anonymous, thank you. i hope you'll leave your name next time around. and yes, forgetting is oh so long. *sigh*

soulless, gustong gustuhan ko talaga kapag nagcocomment ka. hehe. my ego gets fed. :P lolz. thank you! *hug*

cai, salamat sa pagdalaw. at salamat ng sobra sa pagcomment. i'm not so much of a poet as i am an overly-sentimental idiot.^___^

anita, thanks for commenting. i tried to leave a comment on your site but something was up with my server and i just couldn't get it right. i'll try visiting again. thank you for the generous comment! ^___^

david, thank you! i try to do my best. ^__^ do visit again.

Hunter said...

now, i'm really sorry i don't get to visit more often...this is beautiful...terrifying, but beautiful just the same.

rawpoet said...

I am sensing the pain that you went through may be more or less the pain that I went through and coping still. Check this out...of what my partner or ex partner did.

I've started thinking of top 10 ways to dump your partner (in ascending order).

10) Tell your partner "It is not you, it's me".

9) When he or she text you, do not reply.

8) When he or she text you, reply but refer her/him as your new flame.

7) When your partner asked you what is the matter, tell him/her that you 'Need to find yourself again'.

6) When your partner asked you why did you sleep with the third party, say 'I feel for him/her'.

5) When your partner tells you to try again, tell him/her , 'NO deal!'

4) When your partner tells you that you've become another person, tell him/her that 'I don't like what I have become and want to know what I want in life'

3) When your partner tells you to come visit on NYE for midnight kiss, tell your partner you would but don't turn up.

2) Erase all your text messages in the inbox and outbox and tell your partner there is nothing wrong and all are just your partner's imaginations.

And the No. 1 way to dump your partner is.....................


1) Sleep with one of your common friends on New Years Eve and stop all calls from coming into your phone.