Tuesday, November 14, 2006

a tribute to lost love

There was a beginning, not so long ago. But as is wont to happen in stories of love begun, lost, found, and lost again, there is nothing left except the confines of the ending. There is nothing to dwell upon but the finality of the void. And all that is there to recount is the sound of an unreachable sea in the walls of an empty (and alas, it is oh so empty) shell.

Our memories were buried in a nameless grave. And it was the dead, amongst which the casket resided, who bore witness to the regrets. And although we promised not to, the earth atop the site shows that the vestiges of our past had been exhumed and examined. More than once, the handiwork of such a terrible task was not my own. But the violent flow of secrets hidden deep in the earth's core is irrelevant. Who she is, who she was, continues to haunt me in the depths of my desperate soul.

She was the warmth. That much I remember. Of the two seasons I have had in my life. She was the warmth. She was MY warmth. Perhaps that is the only way to describe her. Perhaps this is the way I wish to forget. Through the slow and laboured process of losing the picture of her face and her smile. Through the deliberate unlearning of her touch.

With the reminiscing of our story, the frost of winter has now come at the threshold of my sanctuary. And with its violation upon my essence, I seek the heat of a heart that has long been lost to me. What do the reasons matter? The dates? The times? The names? The mind is not so great that it can hold on to such trifles as these when it is overwhelmed by the one irretrievable fact: She is gone. There is nothing now but a world of twilight and ice.


Cocaine Jesus said...

i know exactly how you feel. not for me a her (fortunately) but a him. my dad.

cargwaps said...

thanks for dropping by cj! and thank you for sharing that with me.*hugs*

Tita Tetel said...

HI Car,

You write so good. I hope someday you will be writing a novel and let me know so we have to make it sure, we do the marketing right. We are so proud of you. Keep writing.

anonymous moose said...

I remember a piece of fiction I read once, where they said that whether or not one felt the cold was simply a trick of the mind.

They were talking about the weather of course, but I think it's applicable here as well. It is a trick of the mind, and even though it's cliche: weather-weather lang din yan. cheers!

cargwaps said...

Hi tita te!
haha! i don't think i have the patience to write a novel. ^__^ thank you for the encouraging comment. regards to everyone there! :)

anonymous moose
thank you for the comment. ^_^ weather-weather nga lang talaga!haha!pati pagsusulat ko,weather weather lang. :p do drop by again!and i hope next time you let me know who you are. thank you! :)

GEL said...

Your writing is intoxicating.
I didn't know you had this blog. I think I read you on a poetry blog you share with "Blue Rogue?"
This resonates deeply with me. Fine writing! Thank you for visiting my blog. I'll be back soon.

anonymous moose said...

oh, im just some random lurker. :)

just keep them entries coming, and i'll drop from time to time by to post a comment or two. i hope you don't mind. cheers! :)

_Soulless_ said...

Through the deliberate unlearning of her touch.

A choice line. Balde-baldeng emosyon (at syempre, luha) ang dala ng linyang yan. Nakaka-antig, ika nga. ^_^

You've been missed, Car. You and your insightful, bubbly self. *big sisterly hug*

cargwaps said...

actually, you've visited my blog before. as silvermoon gel. :) i guess you don't remember. anyway, thank you for dropping by and do visit again soon. ^__^

anonymous moose
hey, who am i to invade your privacy? drop by anytime you want and leave a comment when you feel like it. thank you for the appreciation. i do wish you'll be comfortable enough to introduce yourself one of these days. ^___^

where have you been? akala ko gumuho na ang blogging world ko. kasi ang tagal niyo na ni blue rogue di nagpopost. ^__^ thank you for the comment. that's the line i liked best rin e. i think it's the one that came closest to describing everything i felt. =1 ingat ka! you've also been missed! ^___^

anonymous moose said...

just keep em posts comin'. ^__^

comfortable? hmmm... let's see. maybe one of these days. cheers!