mushy stuff

For those of you who don't know, I have a twin. Normally, I wouldn't feel like writing about people connected to me in such a direct way (Both because it's an intrusion on their privacy and also because they might be reading this.) but today, I feel like writing about it so bite me. (just kidding. i would never dream of having your incisors on my very sensitive skin.)

When classmates or new acquaintances find out that I have a twin, the first thing they ask is, "How does it feel to have a twin?" I HATE THAT QUESTION. It's like asking a goldfish how does it feel to be swimming all the time. I bet it would get this really dark look and scream "WHAT DO YOU THINK? I DON'T SWIM = I DON'T BREATHE!" Being the calm (don't give me that sarcastic look) and gentle person that I am (WHAT? I CAN BE GENTLE!), I politely tell them that I wouldn't know because I've never known how it feels like not to have a twin. I'd rather they had asked me the reason for our existence on earth or the date the magna carta was signed.

When I was younger, I used to scream "I have my own identity!" just to let people understand that my sister and I are two different people. And when people would start comparing us, I'd scream even louder, "I'm my own person and I don't have to be like her or compete with her!" But I think I screamed more to remind myself than to let other people know.

Don't get me wrong, I love my sister. She's great and to put it in a word, perfect. I used to think that I was lucky to have such an independent personality or else I would have been eternally struggling every step of the way just to catch up with her. With the way things have always been, I've never bothered to do anything beyond what has moved me. I'm my own person. Yet slowly, I have realized that if not for her, I wouldn't be so independent and adamant at being my own person in the first place.

I have a lot of friends and classmates now that don't know that I have a twin. They usually find out by themselves (This involves meeting my twin somewhere on campus, trying to engage her in conversation and getting a DO-I-KNOW-YOU? stare from her.) and when they do, I am sure to receive a detailed accounting as to how, where and when they met her. Maybe if this happened in the past, when we were both taking the same classes and hanging out with the same people, I'd roll my eyes and say that it wasn't that big of a deal to have another individual out in the world with the same birthdate as me. Lately, however, I've found that I like it when others find out that I have a twin. And when I pried into that emotion, I realized it's less because it involves me but more on the fact that I still want her to be a part of those aspects of my life. When people find out, I get this big lump in my chest that would scream PRIDE if it were painted neon.

I think that even if we weren't twins, I'd feel the exact same way.