a short way from you, a few steps just across

in a tiny hole near the core of my world there resides a heart,
hidden yet still beating.

beneath a comfortable shade a short way from where you live,
i scratched the surface of the earth with the scuff of my toe,
a little bit every day, until the ground caved in.

a few steps from the front of your door,
so near you would have seen with a peek from your window,
i battled with the devil. a war you could only imagine. leaving
the marks of a grave i never intended to make, to wait for you.

across from your comfort, i struggled with love.
unaware, you passed by me (a short way from me, a few steps just across)
until conquered, i placed my heart in a grave created by the scuff of my toe.
you will never know of my longing or of the nights i spent in a shade near you.
you will never know, my heart, my life has gravitated alongside yours but never with.

in a tiny hole beneath the place you call home,
i have placed my defeated heart. hidden, yes, but still waiting.

when i said i loved you

when i said i loved you, i didn't mean to say that i like you.
it was an offering, an outright approval
of certain personal favorites that only i could have possibly had about you.
it was an assent, an acceptance
of the infinite number of things that might go wrong
and the wee bit that already had.

when i said i needed you, it was not to mean for always.
not to perfect me, or mold me into someone only you would think as better.
not to appose myself to your rather stiff frame for fear of becoming nothing away from it.
it was a basic need i spoke of, a primal urge, one that when quenched may be ignored.
it was, in actuality, myself i pertained to. you have kept with you replicas of myself.
it is that which i need.

when i said i love you, i never should have said only you.
but in saying i needed you, did you not see my purpose?
it was to say i would love you most of all.